Help at last!
In June 1944, at the same time
as the Commission announced the negative verdict on Alexandrina, the Salesian Fr
Umberto Pasquale was in S. Miguel das Aves, Santo Tirso, preaching a triduum. He
heard some priests speaking about Alexandrina. What he heard troubled him and he
decided to study the facts of the exceptional case.
On 21st of June
Doctor Azevedo accompanied Fr Pasquale to Alexandrina where he stayed for three
days to study the case. He was soon marvelling at the spiritual heights to which
the martyr had risen. He understood her great suffering, he promised her that he
would come back; he was to return in July and at other times during the
Alexandrina felt herself understood and confided
to this Salesian who was to become her second director[i].
Soon he considered her worthy of being associated the Salesian Family and
inscribed her among the Co-operators. The diploma of Salesian Co-operator was
drawn up on 15th August 1944. Alexandrina wanted to have it in her
room to be able to look at it often.
On 8th September 1944
Fr Umberto decided to accept Alexandrina’s spiritual direction. The following
day she heard, in ecstasy, that Jesus approved:
holy union, divine union on earth and in Heaven.
Give, my daughter, to him who
is well worthy of it (to Fr Umberto) my thanks and that of Mary, my love and
that of Mary. S (9-9-44)
In this September the Community
of the Salesian Institute of Mogofores, established and directed by Fr Umberto,
experienced intermittently for some days, waves of a very pleasing, indefinable
perfume. In an ecstasy, on 27th September, Jesus said to
Say to my
beloved priest Umberto that the perfume is divine perfume: it is the
perfume of your virtues. I say this because he needs the confirmation for his
study. S (27-9-44)
Fr Umberto studied with great
passion. He commanded that papers, notebooks with the writings and the
dictations of Alexandrina, be collected and from them he made the beginning of
the Diary, entitled “Feelings of the Soul”, and commanded that it be continued.
The devout martyr was to obey until the end, with a sacrifice always more
The new director contacted Fr
Pinho and wrote a very detailed report on Alexandrina’s case, signed with the
date 10/10/1944. It was, of course, contrary to opinion put forward by the
Commission, on 16th June 1944 (vide C G, Appendix I, 3 p. 784 ss).
On 11th he met Dr.
Azevedo in Alexandrina’s house and gave it to him to deliver to the Archbishop.
Shortly after, he felt himself oppressed by anguish, by a very real fear,
thinking about the consequences of his attitude being contrary to that of the
Commission, and therefore also to the Archbishop! He feared the Archbishop’s
reaction, and of the Inspector himself. He needed urgently to retire into deep
prayer. With the excuse of reciting his rosary, he took leave of Alexandrina and
went away, finding refuge in dense wood of high eucalyptuses near Balasar…
The following day, in an
ecstasy, Jesus replied to Alexandrina. Let us see how. That morning the parish
priest had to leave urgently, therefore he took Alexandrina the consecrated
Host, but he did not have time to give it to her: he lit the candles on the
small table and, not to miss his train, he placed the Host on it saying:
— Here you
have Our Lord to keep you company for a while. Rev. Fr Umberto is coming and he
will give Him to you.
As soon as he went away, a
force, coming from I do not know where, compelled me to raise myself (she was
paralyzed! the miracle that took place in the garden of Mr. Sampaio during the 4th
trip to Oporto is being repeated here.)
before Jesus, I leaned on Him: my face and my heart had never been so close to
Him. What a great happiness for me! To enjoy the object of my love at such close
proximity! I whispered to Him many things of my own, of all those who are dear
to me and of the entire world. I felt myself burning in those divine flames.
spoke to me:
love, love, my daughter! do not have another care but to love me and to give me
souls. Where God is, there is everything: there is victory, there is triumph!
I asked the
angels to come to praise Jesus and to sing to Him with me. And I sang all the
time until I was obliged by Rev. Fr Umberto to go to my bed.
Seized by, and burning in the
divine love, I received the Blessed Sacrament. Moments later, Jesus said to me
— These are
wonders and proofs given by me. My daughter, tell my dear Fr. Umberto that it
was me who allowed everything.
For my part
nothing more is needed. Now it is only necessary to fight, to fight, to fight
with eyes set on Me. The Cause is mine, it is divine.
Poor men who
immolate my victims like this! Poor souls that wound my divine Heart in this
way! I console Myself in the love of this innocent dove of mine, this beloved
victim. S (12-10-44)
Two letters of thanks
Alexandrina did not feel that
she was totally alone after entering in the Salesian Family. She felt that she
had help here in ascending an ever more exacting Calvary. At the end of this
October she wrote a letter to the priests, and another to novices of the College
Only God is
Excellent and Reverend Priests:
For all, the
most burning love of Jesus and of His heavenly Mother, and all of Heaven’s
I have in my
mind all the intentions that you have commended to me and I beg you all to
participate in my poor prayers and sufferings. It is a duty of gratitude on my
part: I ask nothing more.
I feel so
happy and so rich in the support that I have from Your Reverences!
O my God, I
am no more alone! I have someone to help me climb my painful Calvary.
With all my heart and all my
soul I say: Jesus and our beloved heavenly Mother will repay you everything and
give you all Heaven’s wealth: wealth of virtue and wealth of grace, so that you
use them to attract souls for the divine Heart of Jesus. I cannot more.
(Alexandrina makes the enormous effort to write in her own hand, instead of
on earth and in Heaven!
and pardon for she who begs prayers, many prayers!
Alexandrina Maria da Costa.
Novices and Salesians of this House.
I would like
to write to each one of you, but I cannot: my strength fails me.
As I have a
duty to fulfil in thanking you for the holy prayers that you have said for me, I
offer it to you all in general. May Jesus and our heavenly Mother repay to you
for so much charity. I beg Heaven to shower you with all the blessings and
graces of Our Lord.
desire that you occupy in the divine Heart of Jesus the place that you occupy in
mine, because in this way you can receive everything. Jesus is so rich! And I
have you all inside my heart! This is the reason why I want you in the Hearts of
Jesus and of our heavenly Mother in the same way. A great thank you to all those
who have written to me. You can trust that Jesus will grant you everything, all
you wish for your sanctification and the salvation of souls.
Trust! Jesus will be always with you!
on me on earth and later in Heaven, where I wait for you.
charity, pray for me!
I am poor
Alexandrina Maria da Costa. (Cd, vol. 2°)
The Fr Umberto had given a gift
to Alexandrina by inscribing her among the Salesian Co-operators; but he also
gave a great gift to the Salesian Family enriching it with a very precious
Fr Umberto is forbidden to
In the ecstasy of 12th
October 1944 Jesus had clearly confirmed his approval of the direction of Fr
Umberto, but had also foreseen the difficulties: “Now it is only necessary to
fight, to fight, to fight with eyes fixed on Me”.
The hostilities weren’t long in
coming. Soon, on 27th November 1944, the parish priest communicated
to Alexandrina that Fr Umberto had been forbidden to be her director!
But Alexandrina had already had
a presentiment of these days before:
My soul, my heart
and all my body are lacerated, bathed in blood! I looked behind; I could not see
the past: all the ways that I had trod had disappeared. My God, what
Before me, a
dreadful mountain. Impossible, I cannot climb it! I cannot move back nor move a
Suddenly I found
myself falling to my knees. With my hands joined and my eyes raised I invoked
the name of Jesus and His holy Mother. I cried out, I cried out from the depths
of my soul. My plea did not ascend to heaven: it was hidden among the folds of
the mountain, was swamped by my blood and my flesh, was cut into pieces by the
thorns to die there with me. The agony of my soul increased: I could not cy
I was without any
sense of support, and my afflicted heart beat with such a force that it seemed
as if I would lose my life.
Oh, it is
very sweet, my Jesus, to die! Either to love You, or to die. To suffer, to
suffer in order to give You souls! (...) S (14-11-44)
Satan used this to torment her
more (on Satan’s action, vide post Ch 14):
attacks had returned. On this night he came with all his anger and fury. He
tormented me indeed!
(...) Dancing, and
with outbursts of laughter, he said to me:
Fr Umberto and the doctor (Dr. Azevedo, her Cyrenean) do not come back: they
have been forbidden to come here. And he added ugly names. The demon sometimes
also speaks the truth! I already had the presentiment that Fr Umberto would be
forbidden to come here several days ago. The fight that followed took up a lot
of time. He made such a commotion, stronger than a storm. He scared me. I was
tired of such fighting. Whenever I could, I called Jesus and His heavenly Mother
and said to Them:
do not want, I do not want to sin! Jesus, come to my aid. He said to the demon:
away, accursed one! Go back to hell, leave my victim alone: I have already
accepted her reparation.
He fled in terror.
Sometimes he looked back, rebellious against Jesus. I was so sad! S (15-11-44)
The heroic Alexandrina manages
to pass over the atrocious screaming that is unchained in the deeps, ensuring
her pardon from, and confidence in, Jesus when she dictates a letter for Fr
Padre, I write this to tell Your Reverence a little of the many things that I
have in my soul. Many days ago I experienced a presentiment that made me suffer
very much: it seemed me that Your Reverence would be forbidden by somebody to
come here! My God, what storm I heard there from the depths! To avoid causing my
sister suffering, I suffered alone. (...)
Poor men who
steal the guides that the Heaven gives me!(...)
My wish is
that Our Lord does not punish nor take to account these poor creatures who do me
so much wrong. May Our Lord forgive them! Poor people, they do not know any
If I do not
give Jesus what He demands from me, the fault is theirs for taking from me he
who taught me to love the One who is not loved, and helped me to climb my very
painful Calvary. (...)
forbid Your Reverence to write me, and me to write to Your Reverence, I ask by
the pains of our heavenly Mother that you be not afflicted: do not suffer for my
sake! Let us obey blindly! Jesus will supply everything, He will be merciful.
forget me, for charity’s sake. Nobody can forbid us to pray one for the other,
nor to love Our Lord. C” (17-11-44)
Fr Umberto read some diaries of
Alexandrina, to his Inspector, Fr Carrà. In one of these it is said that Satan
laughs. Because of this Fr Umberto is prevented from accompanying him on his
assessment of Alexandrina.
Fr Carrà was worried and said
jokingly: “I do not want to amuse Satan! As Inspector I can go to visit a
patient and I can take with me whomsoever I want”.
Thus, on 13th January
1945, Alexandrina received the unexpected visit. But she did not receive any
comfort from it!
I waited for
him, and I received him without enthusiasm: everything was indifferent to me. I
looked at him, and sometimes it seemed to me that I couldn’t see him, that he
wasn’t a reality. He was a prisoner run away from the prison to visit a corpse
that belonged to him. O pain, O bitterness, O terrifying darkness! It is
already too late for them to give me joy; it is already too late for my poor
soul to receive consolation. (...) S (16-1-45)
After a night passed in a sea of
both corporal and spiritual pains, and with assaults from the demon, Alexandrina
heard Jesus say:
Liven up, my beloved! Out of
your agony I take all the consolation for Myself: your death gives life to
souls. I did not allow you to feel the consolation of a visit from my dear Fr
Umberto, nor for him to see you consoled: that would have cancelled out all the
advantages for souls. It was so that men might see what a soul is when embracing
the cross and strong in the love of Jesus, so that they do not interpret these
things as being motivated simply by enthusiasm. S (16-1-45)
The assistance of the Fr Umberto
became more urgent after February 1946, with the exile of Fr Pinho! Fr Umberto
tried everything to give her the greatest possible aid. The defamations against
the ‘Case of Balasar’ continued, fed by an article of a Jesuit, Fr Veloso, and
published in the Brotéria magazine in January 1947, in which Alexandrina
is called a “visionary”.
The outcome was that Fr Umberto
was to be relocated to Italy definitively! The departure was to take place in
September 1948. But Alexandrina perceived the event long before. In her diary of
23 January 1948 we read:
O my God, what it (my soul)
has to bear! What a painful darkness! And alone, without anybody! Never will it
see light; nor will it feel the support and aid of a guide, for who could it be,
where would he appear from to encounter this darkness. Poor soul! Secure
yourself in Jesus: call on Him, cry out for Him in so protracted a journey!
Jesus, if you do not come to my aid, the terror will kill me. But, O my Jesus,
how sweet it is to suffer and to die for You! All this is nothing, is nothing
for He Who so loved us! S (23-1-48)
In July 1948 Fr Umberto alludes
vaguely to his being transferred to Italy: Alexandrina dictated in the diary:
They are so many thorns
wounding me: they pierce me from head to foot, penetrate my body and my soul
(...) I am receiving a second blow in my spiritual life. Will it be heavy, my
Jesus, like the first (the removal of Fr Pinho)? May Your divine will be done! I
am your victim. The more I feel this blow wounding me and feel the complete
abandonment by all those who are dear to me (it is an impression, so that she
suffers more), the more I feel that I have to go forward, climbing over
everything, searching for Jesus, only Jesus. (...) S (23-7-48)
Only God remains
The final farewell takes place
on 24th September 1948.
morning I suffered so much, so much, without knowing why. It felt as if my heart
and soul shed enough blood to bathe the world.
I received my second spiritual blow: I said good-bye to one who, for a second
time, Jesus had placed in my way, as the guide and support of my soul. I hadn’t
received Holy Communion. He went to find my Jesus, so that I might have greater
strength to withstand the wrench I was about to undergo. A few minutes later, I
saw him to go away. As he saw me crying very much, he said to me:
— Let it be
done according to God’s will!
- That is right, but the will of God does not wrench out our hearts. He said: -
But he gives the strength.
— Yes, I
know: but if it was not for the strength of Jesus during these hours, I would
— See that
you have Jesus in your heart!
— Yes, I
have; and my tears lessen His sadness. May Our Lord repay Your Reverence for
what you have done for me: I, for myself, do not know, nor can I. These had
been my last words. My tears remained, and I offered them to the tabernacle as
acts of love. S (24-9-48)
The only contact that remains
between them now is by letter. Let us look at some fragments. From the first
letter sent (18-11-48) to Fr Umberto in Italy:
your reverence’s letter and I thank you for it with all my heart and soul (...)
Everything that belongs to the world passes.
Only what belongs to Jesus is
of advantage to us. But I, so poor, do not presume to take advantage either of
Jesus or of creatures (she is soul-victim). (...)
abandoned I am! I am alone, and desire ardently to be alone. I do not want to
choose anything more: I am offered up to Heaven. It will do with me what it
pleases. (...) I want Jesus, only Jesus. It seems me that I am going mad,
searching for Him without ever being able to catch hold of Him. What a madness
of love controls my heart! It is wild with love, but it does not love! It wants
to love and it does not know how to love! (...)
My good Father, I cannot
dwell like this on the great distance that separates me from those that Our Lord
had given to my soul. Blessed be He, and blessed be the cross that He gave! I
will say with holy Job: “God has given, God has taken away… or, at least, he has
permitted it”. (...) I go on doing more or less what your Reverence ordered
(dictating the “Diary”, the “Feelings of the soul”) (...)
I ask for
pardon and that you might bless me in your charity.
I am poor
Alexandrina Maria da Costa.
The correspondence continues
with another 7 letters, progressively less frequent. The last is dated 13-1-53.
They saw each other once more,
briefly, when Fr Umberto, returning to Italy from Brazil where he had attended a
catechists’ conference, made a stopover in Balasar.
It was a Friday, 23rd
October 1953. Fr Umberto arrived at 3:15pm. The ecstasy of the Passion, which
usually started at 3:00pm, was just starting, which meant he could be present
from the beginning (this was confirmed by Fr Umberto’s sister, Alida, who was
present). It was one of the ecstasies with singing (a phenomenon that was
verified in some of the ecstasies of 1953).
(The following morning)
this holy priest celebrated Holy Mass: he seemed more of an angel than a
minister of the Lord.
this consoled me, but everything served more and more to make me disappear into
the abyss of my misery, of my nothingness. S (23-10-53)
To Alexandrina is reserved only
They will see each other no more
on this Earth.
Fr Umberto will assist her until September 1948, later he will have to
return to Italy, and she will send her diaries to him there. But the
true, unique spiritual father is always Fr Pinho, whose return she asks
for with increasing anguish, but in vain!